Why do bums have cellphones?

No, there’s no Seinfeldesque punchline cued up. I really want to know: Why do they have cellphones? Who’s calling them? Or, is it simply what marketing psychology refers to as FOMO–fear of missing it–with the rest of society? Pretend you’re on the now network whilst–reality check–you’re talking to yourself. Technology: Man’s coverup for schizophrenics and loners. (The you, and only you network.) Are the bums Instagramming selfies, candy-crushing it, tweeting, getting hashtag happy and updating their Facebook statuses–#still homeless. What kind of plan are they on? Is nationwide roaming a given? Who’s paying their monthly bills? I bet the Patriot Act is in on this, which means bums getting their LTE-on is subsidized by our tax dollars. Life, liberty and the pursuit of cellular service… blahblahblah… Thomas Jefferson, but I’ll be damned if I pay overages!

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